Thursday, March 21, 2013

Heartbroken for the first time.

I'm wearing:

1. Varsity hoodie, from H&M.
2. Splash painted t-shirt, also from H&M.
3. Black "Snap" super skinny jeans, from Dr. Denim.
4. Space boots, from Adidas Originals.
5. Watchframe necklace, Maison Martin Margiela for H&M.
6. Prescription glasses, from Ray-Ban.
7. Plane bracelet, from Asos.
8. Blue rubber watch, from my sister (I don't know where she got it).

I'm wearing a lot of things, aren't I?
Taking in consideration that March's theme is "FIRSTS", just saying that this was my first photoshoot in a parking lot didn't feel like it was enough. So, I'm going to talk about the feeling of being broken-hearted. While wearing this outfit, I couldn't help but notice that it was a little sad and nostalgic. Don't get me wrong, I still loved it, but wearing it felt different, weird.

It made me remember and feel things I left untouched for a while. I thought about the first time I got my heart broken (it happens quite often now) and how miserable I was. So that's why I'm sharing this with you. We'll call her "M.", and M. was this really pretty girl from middle school that I had a huge crush on. I became friends with her. I became close, too close. 

It's important to acknowledge that I was 13 at the time and the idea of love confused and terrified me (it still does sometimes). So, near the year's end we played TRUTH OR DARE and we kissed that day. It was my first kiss and it felt really awkward. After that, I asked her out, she said "NO". We were separated the next year and she got a new boyfriend. I hated that guy (he's really fat now, hehe). 

I remember calling her in the middle of the weekend to talk about anything, just to hear her voice. We were still friends but it wasn't the same. I also remember that I cried on my best friend's shoulder and asked "Why doesn't she love me?" And that was it. That was rock-bottom. I decided to move on and, curiously enough, she asked me out the next year but I didn't want to look back so I said "NO". I didn't want her to break my heart again.

// SPANISH TRANSLATION BELOW THIS PHOTO (;
// Teniendo en cuenta que Marzo es el mes de las "PRIMERAS" veces, sólo decir que ésta era mi primer sesión de fotos en un estacionamiento no se sintió como suficiente. Así que hablaré del sentimiento de tener el corazón roto. Mientras usaba este atuendo, no pude evitar notar que era un poquito triste, nostálgico. No me malentiendan, aún lo amo, pero usarlo se sintió diferente, raro. 

Me hizo recordar y sentir cosas que había dejado en el fondo de los recuerdos por un tiempo. Pensé en la primera vez que me rompieron el corazón (ahora pasa muy seguido) y qué tan miserable me hizo. Por eso comparto esto con ustedes. La llamaremos "M."., y M. era esta niña muy bonita de mi secundaria con la que tuve un crush muy intenso. Me hice su amigo. Nos volvimos cercanos, muy cercanos.

Es importante decir que yo tenía 13 años en ese entonces y la idea de amor me confundía y aterraba (aún lo hace, a veces). Entonces, cerca de fin de año jugamos VERDAD O RETO y nos besamos. Fue mi primer beso y se sintió muy raro. Después de eso la invité a salir, ella dijo "NO". Fuimos separados el siguiente año y ella tuvo un nuevo novio. Lo odiaba (pero ahora es muy gordo, jiji).

Me acuerdo que la llamaba a mitad del fin de semana para hablar de lo que fuera, sólo para oír su voz. Aún éramos amigos pero no era lo mismo. También recuerdo llorar en el hombro de mi mejor amigo y preguntar "¿Por qué no me ama?" Y eso fue todo. Eso fue mi toque de fondo. Decidí seguir con mi vida y, curiosamente, ella me invitó a salir el siguiente año pero yo no quise mirar atrás, así que le dije "NO". No quería que justo ella me rompiera el corazón otra vez.
I'll try to talk about something happier, like ponies, next time.
Love, Hen.

Photographer: Sandi.

Currently listening: Agnes Obel - Avenue

6 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. HAHA! And it was free, that makes it even cooler (:

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  2. Love the pop of color that you added with the blue watch!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I thought that pop was necessary.

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