Sunday, January 20, 2013

When I was little I wanted to be God

When I was little I wanted to be God
When I was little I wanted to be God 3
I'm wearing:

1. Denim jacket, from Pull & Bear. 
2. Gold shirt, from Maison Martin Margiela for H&M.
3. Red super skinny jeans, from People's Market. 
4. Denim sneakers, from Converse.
5. Feather necklace, from Asos.
When I was little I wanted to be God 6
Amélie Nothomb said once: "When I was little, I wanted to become God. The Christian God, with a big G. Around age five, I understood that my ambition could not be realized. So I poured some water into my wine and decided to become Christ. I pictured my death on the cross in front of all mankind. At age seven, I became aware that this would not happen. I decided, more modestly, to become a martyr. I kept to this choice for several years. That did not work either."

That quote comes from her book Stupeur et tremblements, and it quite fits into my own life. I've always wanted to be God and take charge of everything but experience showed me that wishing to be God has been a sad mistake. Then I wanted to be like Christ and have people worshipping my actions. Since that failed, I've been struggling with finding out what I'm here to do. In the end, and more modestly, last year I became a fashion blogger. 

I'm going through a personal crisis today. Sorry if this blog post is confusing. 

// Amélie Nothomb dijo alguna vez: "Cuando era pequeña, quería ser Dios. El Dios cristiano, con la D mayúscula. Por ahí de mis cinco años, comprendí que mi ambición no podía realizarse. Así que vertí un poco de agua en mi vino y decidí convertirme en Cristo. Imaginaba mi muerte en la cruz frente a la humanidad. A los siete años, descubrí que eso tampoco podría pasar. Decidí, en un ataque de modestia, convertirme en mártir. Mantuve esta decisión por varios años. Eso tampoco funcionó."

Esa cita viene de su libro Estupor y temblores, y creo que encaja bastante bien en mi vida. Siempre he querido ser Dios y estar a cargo de todo, pero la experiencia me ha enseñado que desear ser Dios ha sido un error terrible. Después quise ser como Cristo y que la gente venerar mis acciones. Desde que eso falló, he luchado con descubrir cuál es mi misión de vida. Al final, y más modestamente, el año pasado me convertí en blogger de moda. 

Estoy en una crisis personal el día de hoy. Lamento si este post es confuso. 
When I was little I wanted to be God 4 When I was little I wanted to be God 2 When I was little I wanted to be God 5
Without you I'm nothing,

Photographer: Arturo Cortés (DEBUT!).

Currently listening: Brooke Waggoner - Meek; Wild.

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