Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Sad Boy, Bad Boy

Sad Boy Bad Boy
Sad Boy Bad Boy 5
I'm wearing: 

1. Ripped denim jacket, from Zaful.
2. Sweatshirt with floral embroidery in burgundy, Morris & Co. x H&M.
3. Super skinny jeans in black, from Pull & Bear. 
4. Leather Chelsea boots in black, from Frank Wright. 
5. Rings, from H&M.
Sad Boy Bad Boy 4
The whole "bad boy" concept and its charm is one that I still haven't managed to fully understand. It's something that Hollywood (and fiction, in general) has created for us: the idea that a guy has to be tough, careless and a little mean to become more attractive. For the longest time, I've battled (inside, in my own thoughts) with that archetype. Sure, I wasn't always as nice as I am now, but I never was a bad boy, I've always been more of a flower boy (you know, sweet, romantic, kind) and I've committed to that concept.

Sadly, it hasn't really gotten me anywhere. If I flashback to one pivotal moment with one of my big love interests from the past, she told me (and I quote): You're what I need but you're not what I want, I want the bad boy... And, just like that, I lost all my chances because, no matter how much I tried and the many times I confessed after that, I was always the "really nice guy who'll find love with a great girl... Eventually". Well, friends, here I am a few years later, still single, still looking for her

Every time I get sad about this particular topic, I think about being more of a bad boy, you know, being a little harsher, careless, rebellious even, but I just can't, I don't think it's in me. I was listening to a song the other day that said something like "how come being such a sad girl, makes me wanna be a bad girl?" and it resonated: every time I let my sad boy side overcome me, I want to become a bad boy, it never works; so when I start to feel better, I come to terms with myself again and embrace my inner flower boy again. Will I ever be able to understand why girls like bad boys? Will I ever be able to become one? It's not something I want, of course, but it might be useful, don't you think? 

// Todo el concepto y el encanto del "niño malo" es una de esas cosas que aún no he logrado entender completamente. Es algo que Hollywood (y la ficción en general) crearon para nosotros: la idea de que un niño debe ser rudo, despreocupado y un poco malo para ser más atractivo. Por muchísimo tiempo he luchado (internamente, en mis pensamientos) con ese arquetipo. Claro, no siempre fui tan bueno como soy ahora, pero nunca fui un niño malo, siempre he sido más un flower boy (ya saben, dulce, romántico, amable) y me he comprometido con ese concepto.

Tristemente, no me ha llevado a ningún lado. Si hago un flashback a un momento clave con una de mis intereses románticos del pasado, ella me dijo (y cito): Eres lo que necesito pero no eres lo que quiero, quiero al niño malo... Y, justo así, perdí todas mis oportunidades porque, si importar cuántas veces lo intenté y todas las veces que confesé mi amor después de eso, siempre fui el "gran tipo que va a encontrar el amor con una gran niña... Eventualmente". Pues, amigos, aquí estoy años después, aún soltero, aún buscándola

Cada vez que me pongo triste por este tema en particular, pienso en ser más niño malo, saben, un poco más rudo, despreocupado, hasta rebelde, pero no me sale, no creo que esté en mí. Estaba escuchando una canción el otro día que dice algo como "¿cómo es que ser una niña tan triste me hace querer ser una niña mala?" y resonó: cada vez que dejo que mi lado triste se apodere, quiero volverme malo, jamás funciona y; cuando me empiezo a sentir mejor, regreso a mi estado natural y vuelvo a abrazar a mi flower boy interno. ¿Alguna vez lograré entender por qué a las niñas les gusta el niño malo? ¿Alguna vez lograré ser uno de esos? No es algo que quiero, por supuesto, pero podría ser útil ¿no creen?
Sad Boy Bad Boy 2 Sad Boy Bad Boy 3
Love always,

Currently listening: Uffie - My Heart.


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